Why your relationship with yourself matters

When you get into a relationship looking solely outside yourself for someone to meet your needs and love you, when you don’t meet your own needs or love yourself, this leads to disappointment and unhappiness.  Why?

You are the only one who can meet your needs on the highest level.  When you are searching outside yourself for someone to meet all your needs, you go into a relationship with the wrong energy and for the wrong reasons.  

It creates a dynamic where you are completely dependent on another person to meet your needs, to give you love, to create your happiness.  And this leads to disappointment because no one can meet all your needs all the time and when you go into a relationship with this expectation, it will feel like pressure on him and on the relationship.  

When you are solely seeking love outside yourself, it is the same thing.  The real love you need comes from within you.  No one else’s love can replace that.  They can add to it.  

If you don’t love yourself fully, you don’t have the capacity to love another fully.  And you will likely attract another person who also doesn’t love himself fully and therefore doesn’t have the capacity to love you fully.  

This doesn’t mean that a relationship can’t add to your joy and love and happiness.  It absolutely can.  And in a healthy relationship, you and your partner will meet each other’s needs in the relationship.  But this cannot replace what you do for yourself and your commitment to loving yourself and meeting your own needs.  

There are both healthy ways and unhealthy ways to meet your needs.  When you can learn how to meet all six human needs for yourself, especially those that are most important to you, you will be less likely to try to get them met in an unhealthy way.  

What do I mean by this?  For example, if one of your top needs is the need for significance…that you are important, you matter, you are a priority…and you don’t find ways to meet this need for yourself in your life, you may get into a relationship with someone who needs you to take care of him and do everything for him on a regular basis and is dependent on you in order to get your need for significance met.   This creates a relationship based on an unhealthy dynamic and will not lead to ultimately feeling joy in your relationship and your life.  

Today, make it a priority to develop that deeper love and connection with yourself.  If you need help and support on your journey of how to love yourself and meet your own needs, reach out to me.  I have openings for private coaching and I also have an audio/video program that dives deep into inner work.  

❤️ Debbie