When your interactions with people feel like hard work…

I often talk about authenticity and being your true self…in your relationships and in your life.

I recently worked with a client who was feeling drained and her relationship felt like hard work.  We discovered that she had expectations about how she should be as a person.  From an early age, she began molding herself into who she thought she needed to be…to be accepted by her peers, to be loved by her parents.  She didn’t even realize she was forming and projecting different images, based upon what she thought others wanted her to be.  This was the beginning of not living her life in alignment with who she truly was, and losing the connection with her true self.  

When you are not being who you truly are, you will have less love for yourself.

Sometimes you may think you are being who you truly are but very often the images you project to others change, and they may even be different than you truly are deep down.  

For example, maybe when you are with family you are one way, with friends another way, with a partner even another way.  

When you meet someone new, you may form an impression based on who you think he wants you to be.  He loves sports and is relaxed and easy going.  You may take this on, unconsciously, as you believe this is what he is looking for.   You listen and get to know him and discover what type of person you think he is looking for and this is the image you project.  Instead of being yourself you create a new image for yourself of who you think he is looking for.  

With your family, maybe you project the image you took on in childhood as what you feel is the “perfect” daughter in order to please your parents and be who you think will make them happy.  

With friends you may project even a different image of yourself.  To fit in.  

When you are alone maybe you are another way.  

With all of these different images, you may start to wonder who you truly are?  Which one is your true self?  

The more images you project the harder it is.  Relationships with people feel like a lot of work.  The further your image you are living is from your true self, the less love you have for yourself.  The less connection you have with yourself.  The less trust you have for yourself.

And when you’re not living in alignment with your true self, interactions and relationships with others will feel like hard work and you may feel drained and exhausted.  Just like what was happening with my client.  When you give yourself the space to be you and are with someone you can be yourself around, it will feel easy to be around them.