Are you open to getting to know others?

Do you spend the time to get to know someone you are dating or do you project on him the qualities you want him to be?

When you project an image onto someone it takes away your openness to see who he really is and whether you two are compatible for a relationship.  

There are several reasons for projecting –

  • Urgency to get into a relationship.  Maybe friends or family are asking why you are still single and putting pressure on you to be in a relationship.
  • Not being honest with yourself as to who you really are.  You may actually not be showing up as your authentic self because you are so busy being the person everyone else wants you to be that you lose touch with who you really are.  This can happen when you are trying to please others or be a certain way to be accepted.  When you are not connected to your true self it is harder to have the openness to getting to know who another person truly is.
  • Fear of/discomfort with being alone.  If you are not comfortable with who you truly are or with being in your own company, you may look for a partner as a way to not focus on you or deal with deeper issues.  You feel they will complete you or take away your discomfort or distract you from dealing with your own stuff.
  • When you don’t love yourself.  When you don’t love yourself you may search outside yourself for the love you are missing.  You may expect that having a partner and a relationship will make you happy.  You will place expectations on your partner to give fulfill what you are missing, causing you to attach yourself too soon to someone before you really know them.  You may mistakenly feel what you are looking for within yourself will come from them.

When you are projecting an image on him of who you want him to be, not only are you not able to be honest with yourself about whether he is right for you and not able to be honest with yourself about who he really is, but you may end up getting into a relationship too quickly.  You may think you already know he is right for you or you are afraid to be alone or think he can provide you with the love and happiness you are unable to give to yourself.

If you want to learn more, read my blog for more articles about your relationship with yourself and others.  https://debbiegailcoaching.com/debbies-blog/