Do you fear being different or not being accepted?

Sometimes we create an image of who we think we need to be.  To be loved.  To be accepted.  To fit in.  To not be too different.  Creating and living this image erodes our own love for ourselves.  Because we are no longer accepting who we truly are.  We are not respecting our uniqueness.  

I want to share my own experience dealing with my own fears of being different and standing out and not fitting in, which stemmed from my childhood and early adulthood.  

When I found out I had a gluten allergy, one of the hardest things for me was dealing with my triggers.  As a child I was doing things to fit in with the other children.  As a young adult that was once in an unhealthy marriage, I was treated with disrespect when I had different dietary needs…my needs were not accepted.  I was looked down upon for any allergies or illness I had.  My insecurities of not being enough were triggered.  Not being good enough or worthy enough.  

Even after doing so much inner work and knowing that I am worthy and lovable just the way I am, my fears from childhood and young adulthood were still triggered.  I would have to “stand out” when ordering food in a restaurant or at a dinner party.  I would have to speak up about my allergy.  My health depended on it.  

I had a choice of course… I could give in to the scared little girl who once had a fear of being different or I could choose my health and well being and advocate for that lovable woman.  

At first it was very hard for me.  I feared that dating and relationships would be difficult because I remembered how I was seen in my past unhealthy marriage.  

In the beginning I avoided going to places where food was served, especially dinner parties and certain restaurant. 

Then I realized I was not valuing myself because I was treating myself differently… my fears of others treating me differently were manifesting in the form of me treating my own self differently.  

At first it was scary to order at a restaurant with a group of people…they could all just order and I had to ask about gluten free items and speak up about my allergy and inquire as to whether items could be prepared separately.  This majorly triggered memories from my past unhealthy marriage when he would boast about being able to eat anything and negatively view and talk down upon special requests.  

My old habits of needing to please others were also triggered when someone brought me food and it wasn’t gluten free and I had to speak up.  

I decided that I had to choose me.  My own health.  Value my needs.  Respect my well being.  And I did!  I chose to put me first.  I told myself that the people that are supposed to be in my life will be there, and the people that aren’t won’t, and that’s okay.  

I got used to speaking up in restaurants, attending dinner parties and barbecues, traveling with others or alone, cooking a completely gluten free thanksgiving dinner, baking and cooking gluten free desserts and meals for others, cooking gluten free lasagna to bring to a dinner party.  Even attending cooking classes.  

And the more I did this the better I felt about me and the stronger my love for myself.

And people in my life mirrored this and respected and valued my needs.  

It felt wonderful when those dear to me began purchasing gluten free cooking ingredients and gluten free food items at their home, making sure everything they purchased for me to eat out was gluten free, asking before making something if I could eat it, loving me and accepting me when I had to inquire when ordering at a restaurant. 

And at a four day conference when invited to get take-out for lunch and I let newly made friends know I was going to eat the gluten free food i had in my hotel room they suggested we meet in the lobby tables to enjoy lunch together.  

The more I accepted and respected my health needs, the more the people around me did too.  

I feel closer to those I love because I am showing up as my true self and not hiding a part of me.  

My health has improved.  My love for myself has grown.  I know that I will never go back to that little girl who was afraid to stand out and be different.  I will always choose my own self love ❤️ 

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