Some things you CAN do to have a positive impact on your relationship with your child

Is your relationship with your teen or young adult deteriorating? 

When you and your child are dealing with their mental illness or addiction, sometimes the relationship can suffer. 

They may lash out at you in anger, blame you, say unkind words to you, argue over treatment protocols…

I know this can feel very difficult. 

You both don’t need the added stress of being emotionally disconnected. 

Although you don’t have control over your child or how they show up in the relationship, you do have control over you.

And one person can make a difference in the relationship dynamics. 

Some things you CAN do to have a positive impact are:

• Understanding from within your heart – Connect to their emotional world so they feel you two are on the same side (that they feel you have their best interests at heart) by putting yourself in their shoes…look at what they are experiencing from their perspective based on their way of thinking and their emotional state…not putting yourself in their shoes and seeing their situation from your perspective. Really hearing them and understanding what they feel. When they don’t feel understood, the relationship can suffer.

• Fierce commitment to loving – Commit to maintaining an emotional connection with your child even during the difficult times. It may mean you need to set boundaries to protect your own emotional state. Reframe criticism in a positive way by acknowledging the good rather than focusing on what’s negative, while keeping in your heart what you want to feel (love). Remember your relationship is something to be cherished.

• Forgive and move on – When you hang on to something your teen or young adult did that was wrong or something they said that felt hurtful, these past experiences affect your relationship now. Not forgiving causes anger and resentment to permeate your present communications and interactions with them. Anger and resentment become poison in your body and mind. Forgive, not because what they did was okay, but because you deserve to be free from the suffering related to not forgiving and because you choose to prioritize your loving relationship with them. What they did or said had nothing to do with you, it is their own stuff coming up they are dealing with.

• Of course, everyone’s situation is unique, and the amount of disconnection and difficulty being experienced is different. But even giving yourself lots of love/ taking good care of you and setting a loving boundary can shift your own energy which can help you so much, and even shift things in your relationship. 

Change begins with one person, and one step…

What one step can you commit to do now to positively impact your relationship with your child?