Finding your path to peace when you have a child with mental illness or addictions

If you have a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction and you are struggling to find your path to peace, you may be making one of these mistakes-

💫Taking things personally. When things are not going well with your child, do you blame yourself and make everything that is happening about you? Not taking things personally helped me emotionally and in my relationship with my oldest son. His actions and choices were not about me. Even when he lashed out at me, it was not about me; it was about his anger about his predicament. He lashed out at me because I was the safe person who he knew would love and accept him unconditionally. Internalizing this meant I didn’t need to get defensive, blame myself, or make things about me, and that left me with more peace in my life and in my communication with him. 

💫Not accepting your limitations. Part of finding peace was accepting my own limitations of not being able to fix my oldest son’s illness. As a parent, I had seen myself as being responsible for his behaviors, his choices, and his decisions. I believed it was up to me to fix things. This led to becoming frustrated with myself; it did not lead to peace. Instead, I learned to practice self-compassion—being gentle, kind, and patient with myself. Realizing my limitations was a key step for me and allowed me to be more compassionate with myself. 

I learned that I had the choice to take responsibility for my own life and that having peace was a result of my own decisions about myself and how I lived my life. 

I had a choice to blame myself for not being able to fix his illness or addiction, or to make a decision to have compassion for myself, practice self-love and self-care, and discover what I could do to bring joy into my life. I chose the latter.  

What choice are you making? 

Sending love and light,

Debbie

Look for my book, Finding Peace and Purpose amidst the Tears, to come out later next month, where I share my journey of the love and loss of my son through his mental illness and addiction and how I found my path to peace.