Is self judgment sabotaging your love life?
Do you find yourself judging others? If so this may be a clue that the person you are really judging is yourself. Why? Because when you can’t accept something about yourself, you can’t accept that in another person.
Does this sound familiar? You have been dating a man who is making you feel wonderful. He calls every day and he takes you out and wants to make you happy. He makes you feel cherished, loved, and adored. Then all of a sudden you start to find things wrong with him. You begin to criticize and judge him for not keeping his house as clean as you would like, for not being as organized as you would like, for sometimes forgetting small things, for not doing his dishes as soon as dinner is over. You start to wonder whether he really is the right man for you or whether you should reject him. Sound familiar? If it does, it’s time to look deeper within yourself…where are you judging yourself? Are you afraid to get closer because you don’t want him to see these parts of you that you are judging?
Where does self judgment come from? It comes from a place that is the opposite of self love and self acceptance. How often do you say “of course I love myself”, but then criticize yourself harshly for something you said or did or how you look? How often are you hard on yourself when you think you made a mistake? You may think you are loving yourself because you sometimes feel great about yourself. But truly loving yourself means being kinder and non-judgmental of all of you, not just the parts you feel are positive. The parts you are judging you are rejecting and not loving. You end up judging others for these same things.
How does self judgment show up in our lives? Are you doing any of these behaviors…
-you fear getting close to someone because you don’t want them to see the part of you that you don’t accept so you keep them at a distance
-you shut down because you never feel safe with others as you fear being rejected
-you look for ways to judge others so you don’t have to face your fears of getting close to them
-you find small ways to reject others before they reject you
-you push people away and that way you can prove to yourself that what you don’t love about you is true
-you are critical and judgemental of others
Self judgement prevents you from being able to get close to another person because self judgment and vulnerability do not exist very well together. And, if you can’t share yourself and be vulnerable with someone else, a relationship cannot grow deeper. Without truly loving and accepting all of you, it is hard to feel completely safe within yourself. When you don’t feel safe within you, you don’t feel safe to share yourself with someone else and you don’t create a safe space for another person to share themselves with you. The safety must begin from within you. When you honor yourself and don’t reject parts of you, you can feel safe. Because even if someone else rejects you, you still have yourself.
So, next time you find yourself judging another person…
- Look deeper within yourself…what part of yourself are you rejecting?
- Journal about why you believe you are rejecting or judging this part of you…where did this come from?
- Ask, does it serve you to continue to judge yourself in this way? If not, give this part of yourself extra love and realize it is part of you, part of your uniqueness. Pour love over this part of yourself…imagine a stream of water and that water is love and the supply is endless and limitless and standing in that stream and allowing the water to soothe the part of you that you are rejecting and judging.
Once you can accept all of you, you allow others to as well, as they mirror back your energy.
What if you could step into your worthiness, connect with your inner goddess and manifest more love and happiness in your life? How would you feel? Blissful, joyful, safe, secure, amazing? Download my fee guide now!