Sharing my story so other parents won’t feel alone

I was CONSUMED by fear.  Every single day…

I would love to share my story, so that other parents on a similar journey don’t feel alone and can have hope.  Of how I turned the fear into a life of peace and purpose.  A life where I was able to build a loving relationship with my children.

It started nine years ago when my oldest son was diagnosed with a serious mental illness and then began using drugs…

I went from the initial shock and devastation to feelings of confusion, despair and hopelessness as I began to navigate the many challenges I was facing with my son’s illness and addiction. 

I felt overwhelmed with fear.  Fear of what would go wrong, what would happen next, when the next shoe would drop.  

I felt isolated and alone despite having many friends.  

Many nights I lay awake in bed in tears, my mind going to worst case scenarios and causing what felt like endless worry about what might happen.  

I experienced an emotional roller coaster when my renewed hope was eventually quashed after each time he went into treatment programs. 

The stress and anxiety made me physically ill including chronic back pain, stomach pain, and headaches. 

I was desperate.

I knew things for me needed to change. I just couldn’t go on like this. And, although I knew it needed to change, I had no idea how.  The fear was consuming me, as if there was no way out.  As if it was impossible.

One day I completely broke down… Friends were visiting on New Year’s Eve and I was anxiously awaiting a call from my son’s doctor (he was hospitalized for his mental illness for the fourth time and I had not yet spoken with the doctor treating him). The call went well, but I broke down in uncontrollable sobs, right there in front of my friends. 

It was then that I realized I wasn’t living my life anymore. It wasn’t my own. I was only surviving, but not truly living. My life felt meaningless.

I wasn’t doing anything for me.  But even more importantly, I wasn’t enjoying the moments I had with my children. Everything was consumed by fear and worry. 

I realized I had a choice as to whether I wanted to focus on the fear and uncertainty or on something that would bring me peace and healing.

I chose me. And by choosing me, I chose to enjoy the precious moments with my children. I chose to not live in fear. 

I chose love over fear.

I felt empowered, for the first time in a very long time.

I also felt calmer, more relaxed, and fulfilled. 

I found peace and purpose in my life.  

I took control over my life, was no longer a victim of circumstance, and began doing things for me.  

Through journaling and meditation, I stopped taking things personally, stopped blaming myself, changed my expectations, and rewrote my story.

I was able to release the grief over the loss of the way things used to be with my son and our life prior to his illness and addiction, and come to a place of acceptance. In doing so, I was able to embrace all of him…the whole person, feeling connected to the sweetness and kindness of his soul.

I chose love and faith over fear…I realized I had no control over my son so instead of trying to control him, I focused my energy on loving him and loving me.  

I felt deep compassion for my son, seeing him as separate from his illness. 

Behind my fear there was a need for certainty, but there was no certainty so instead I focused on contributing to others in a meaningful way…my children, volunteering, and through becoming a coach.  And I was able to give myself certainty in other ways daily.

Not only did I solve being overwhelmed by fear, I also had a loving relationship with my son, building precious memories that I cherish and will always remember. I was fully present for him and for my other two children.

After losing him when he was 26, I knew my life would never be the same. The pain felt unbearable, and I wondered how I would ever find a way to go on.

His death made me look at life in a different way and rethink everything. I knew I was meant for more and I did a lot of soul searching about my purpose.

My mission now is to help other parents of teens or young adults with mental illness or addiction rise above their fears and live a life of peace and purpose while building a loving lasting relationship with their child.

By helping parents on a similar journey, I am fulfilling my purpose, making my life feel so much more meaningful.

Sending love and light, 

Debbie