When you hear the word boundaries, do you think of something harsh?
When you hear the word boundaries, do you think of something harsh?
Do you feel if you set boundaries with your teen or adult child that you will have to hold back your loving emotions in order to stick to your boundaries?
If you answered yes to these questions, let’s work on changing your views around boundaries.
Boundaries can be set to protect your well being which will in turn allow you to feel better emotionally thus be able to be in a better position to support your child.
When used properly they can actually allow you to have a loving relationship with your child… because you trust yourself to stick to the boundaries you set, you feel safe spending time with them.
They are not set to punish or with any punitive intention.
Rather they are set so you can enjoy your child without getting caught up in becoming a victim of circumstances.
An example of a situation where you can set a loving boundary is if every time your child calls to ask for money, you get resentful because you feel like you can’t get off the phone without giving them more money even though you just gave them some and wonder where it went. Putting up a wall would be to stop answering your phone when they call. Setting a boundary would be to decide, for example, that you will give them x amount per week and that if they call for more you will say no. When you set this for yourself ahead of time, you don’t have to get worn down by them on the call. You can simply remind them that you are willing to give them x amount per week and they won’t get more money until ______ day, then continue on with another topic with them. But what about if they become unkind by screaming at you after that? You can also set a boundary for yourself that you will not stay on the phone when this happens, so you can calmly remind them of this boundary, tell them you love them, and hang up.
Boundaries really are tools to help you to experience a loving relationship with your child because they help you feel safe emotionally so allow you to continue to connect with your love for them, and your child to still feel your love.
Walls are energy blocks that prevent your son or daughter from feeling your love. Even though you love them, they don’t feel it. When this happens, the relationship can break down.
When you feel secure with your boundaries, things can begin to feel easier.
I would love to know how are you doing with boundaries?
Sending love and light,
Debbie