Attempting to control your teen/adult may cause your relationship with them to deteriorate and at the same time it likely will not lead to the outcome you want

I know it can feel so difficult when your teen or adult child is doing something that you know isn’t good for them or is not doing something you feel is important.  

Inside, you feel strongly about what they should do differently and what they should not do.  

You try hard to make them do and see things your way.

But this will probably not work, and here’s why…

We don’t actually have control over another person. We only have the illusion of control.

When we try to control another person, it is two people fighting for control, and we repel them.

They feel as if you are fighting against them and don’t feel inspired to come closer to you, to open up communication, to really hear what you’re saying, and share more with you.

And they don’t feel inspired to do the things you’re trying to push them to do. 

In fact, they not only start to distance themselves over time, they may not do the things you want because of the battle of control.

This will not be good for you, them, or your relationship.

While control doesn’t work, there ARE things you can do. 

You can help them make a plan for their wellbeing. 

You can encourage them. 

You can inspire them.

You can teach them.

You can guide them.

You can be a supportive and compassionate listener.

I know it can feel very hard when they are doing things you don’t agree with.  You may feel frustrated. And you may need to set boundaries for yourself to protect your own wellbeing.  

But remember that you don’t have control over another person and attempting to control may cause your relationship to deteriorate and at the same time it likely will not lead to the outcome you want.  

So focus on the things you can do, not the things you can’t do.  

Are you struggling with the challenges of having a son or daughter with mental illness or addiction?  I have developed a unique process which provides holistic tools and strategies for navigating grief, loss, pain, hopelessness, overwhelm, and fear that can result from this experience.  In my coaching program I walk with you on your journey, helping you regain your natural emotional resilience and self love and find peace and purpose in your life.  This almost always positively impacts your relationship with your child. Reach out to me to find out more.

Sending love and light,

Debbie