Mother’s Day when you have lost a child or you have a child with mental illness or addiction

Mother’s Day is right around the corner.

Whether you are grieving the loss of your child or grieving due to having a child with mental illness and/or addiction, this can be a difficult time filled with pain, sadness, unpredictability, stress, uncertainty.

How can you get through this day?  Here are some things I have found helpful for me- 

❤️Carve out time for you 

Take some time for you and take some time for your grief first.  Maybe that is doing something that feels soothing for your pain.  Maybe that is simply allowing your feelings and giving them space.  Or even journaling because writing through grief and loss can be therapeutic.

When you have other children you will spend time with on Mother’s Day, taking this time for your own grief first is so important.  

❤️Meaning and purpose 

If you have lost a child, doing something meaningful or that honors your child.  You could visit their gravesite or talk out loud to them, go to a place they loved, do something they enjoyed doing, write a letter to your child.

If your child has mental illness or addiction, holding the space for your child.  Seeing them as a whole person, not just their illness or addiction, and connecting with their soul, who they truly are.  It may help to write them a letter, even if you don’t give the letter to them.

Sending lots of love to all mothers ❤️ 

My most difficult Mother’s Days for me personally have been the ones since I lost my oldest son.  This is the third one without him here physically.  He is always with me though, in everything I do especially through my purpose work helping parents.  I do things that feel good to me and are meaningful including visiting his gravesite and spending time talking to him, writing a letter to him, reading an excerpt from my book (the first year, I spent time working on writing the book), visiting places he loved.  I feel myself drawn to parks with soccer fields and wide trails because before his mental illness and addiction he spent many years enjoying playing travel soccer and running in cross country meets.  

Sending love and light,

Debbie